I alone believe in so much but so little. I believe in ghosts and demons, that there has to be bad to balance the good, I believe that Karma comes for you and that you do good for others and good will be done for you.
I’ve come to notice that people nowadays have so much negativity in their hearts, they’re selfish, arrogant, rude and blinded in their ‘clique’. They will ‘ride or die’ for those close to them but not to the man who needs help the most. This disgusts me.
I met a lady called Ashley a few months ago and her personality is so colourful, she’s friendly, loud, outspoken, bubbly and just herself. Our views on a few things differed (religion, life, love) but Ashley said to me the one day ”You should give without expecting anything in return to avoid disappointment, if someone who you lent money to gives it back you will be surprised and happy instead of let down. You should be you and just live the life you want, the life you will love, Follow the religion or other beliefs you believe and be hopeful, it’s your life – be positive”.
Since that incident all those months ago, I had become more positive, more hopeful and more driven to chase my dreams and chase the life I find worth living. I fell in love with psychology a few years back but because of my social life between the ages of 14-17 I failed many exams and ended up leaving school. I sat on my couch and did nothing, I would go out every second night but it didn’t make me happier nor did it help me in any way, it was only the one day when I called my mum (who lives in the United Kingdom who often rants on about moving here to further my education) who then suggested moving back to the UK to do my O-Levels (as expected) and something in my mind told me to consider it and I sat for hours and hours thinking about moving there but I didn’t believe I could, I didn’t believe I should try do something I ‘m not capable of.
The next day I sat my dad and my sister down and proceeded to tell them about my conversation the night before with mum and they both chuckled as I said she asked me to move back. What shocked them is when I said I had already made my mind up about what I’m going to do and what I said I was going to do. I sat up all night, drinking bottomless mugs of strong coffee and I remember baking batch after batch of scones and cookies (baking calms me), at 5:30am after a cigarette which didn’t seem to last very long – The decision was made.
I looked my sister in those big beautiful brown eyes and I saw the tears start to form, my dads happiness slowly faded but he wanted to be happy, he wanted to show me he supported me but I couldn’t help feeling like I was the reason for their sadness and disappointment. My best friend and life support herself Megan was next to tell, I didn’t want her to react devastated as well as I was trying so hard to be strong and believe in myself. As usual, Megan sat there and eventually just told me to tell her why I had told her to come, “My mum asked me to go to school in the UK again” I decided to start with and as expected Meg knew and shut my heart down with ” You’re going aren’t you?” and suddenly I felt the devastation.
After I told the family and a few friends and I started to notice that they have always believed in me, they had always wanted me to better myself, they had always seen me as much more than a ‘couch-bum’ and it started to make me happier, with myself and my decision to move.
After I arrived in UK and had settled and started to study, I started getting very agitated, re-reading everything and having to do what I spent three years putting off. I started to understand that hard work will take you where you desire to be and I began to push myself, to write 4 pages instead of 2, to change topic and move up a level, to constantly improve myself and I started to increase the amount of work done as well as my moods. I ran because of the health benefits as well as the happiness it gave me when I could run longer or further than before and I started competing with myself.
I got to a point in my life where I control my emotion and my happiness and not the situation in hand, there are many things that I surprise myself with, the small things that make me happy and how the simplest of moments can bring a smile to my face. Instead of being a heartless, half-hearted, unmotivated and unhappy girl who complains, I have started to feel love in every thing I do, a smile from a child, the bark of a puppy and maybe even seeing a face of someone I no longer get on with. I was lucky to be able to see that smile, maybe my timing was right or maybe it was to lift my spirits. I was lucky to hear that puppy, it was beyond refreshing for something so innocent and kind to catch my attention. That person I do not get on with had once had a good input in my life, she once stopped a tear or gave me a hug when I least expected it, She had given me moments of her time that I couldn’t replace and I have to be grateful.
“positivity is the key to life”
It has taken months of building, changing and growing but I can definitely say that without a positive attitude, without believing in not only myself but in what I am doing, I would never have been able to get this far. Positivity leads to happiness and ‘The ripple effect’ is to do with this topic. It is beyond difficult to start the process of change, not only to move country but to change your look on life, the way you look at yourself and how to approach situations with a positive attitude. It all starts with your mind and your heart!